GITTIPIN:

Now here, I never saw such company in my life. You are always talking of your books. I like to be where we talk. You had better take a walk so that we may have some pleasure. I am sure I never see any pleasure. There's Double Elephant's Girls, they have their own way, and there's Miss Filligree, [she and cast take a deep breath] for work she goes out in her coaches and her footman and her maids and Stormonts and Balloon hats and a pair of Gloves every day and the Sorrows of Werter and Robinsons and the Queen of Frances Puss colour and my Cousin Gibble Gabble says that I am like nobody else. I might as well be in a nunnery! [deep breath] There they go in post-chaises and stages to Vauxhall and Ranelagh. And I hardly know what a coach is, except when I go to Mr. Jacko's. He knows what riding is and his wife is the most agreeable woman you hardly know she has a tongue in her head. [deep breath] And he is the funniest fellow, and I do believe he'll go in partnership with his master, and they have black servants lodge at their house. I never saw such a place in my life. He says he has six and twenty rooms in his house, and I believe it and he is not such a liar as Quid thinks he is.

[everyone expels a deep sigh of relief]

COLUMN:

[approaches SCOPPRELL slowly, turns him violently by the collar] They call women the weakest vessel, but I think they are the strongest. A girl has always more tongue than a boy. I have seen a little brat no higher than a nettle, and she had as much tongue as a city clerk; but the boy would be such a fool, not have anything to say, and if anybody asked him a question he would put his head into a hole and hide it. [To GITTIPIN] I am sure I take but little pleasure. You have as much pleasure as I have. Here I stand and bear every fool's insult. If I had only myself to care for, I'd wring off their noses.

SCOPPRELL:

I think ladies' discourses, Mr. Column, are some of them more improving than any book. That is the way I get most of my knowledge.

GITTIPIN:

Mr. Scopprell, do you know the song of Phebe and Jellicoe?

SCOPPRELL:

No.

PHILOSOPHERS:

AHH.

[During song, COLUMN makes faces and pretends to cry, which entertains GIMBLET, but infuriates SCOPRELL]